Tuesday, 24 November 2009

A Trilogy of Misery

Good afternoon Cynthia (hope it's warmer in California) and Xander (Cup of tea/cider/merriment this afternoon?)

Three new ones:

High Street Girl

She looked at me
with a wonder of uncertainty
as to how mad I must be
to double take her
and her loud laughter of distress
as her size 7's washed
in her size 11 shoes
and she spins round
with her mac entangled in arms;
her ruck-sack falling
from the shoulders
in her rush
to nowhere.


The misery of Winter's
dreaded arrival
becomes clear
when the fun of
kicking crisp
Autumn leaves
up into the air
results in wet, rotted
black stuff
on the chin.


On the bus
on route
to Job Centre Plus
- attempting to avoid eye contact
with the stoney grey
faces of Anthony
Gormley's figurines
and not really feeling
like I'm part of a
'Rock'n'roll Movement'


Thanks for reading poems from the last day or so.

George's Festive Gig Action:


Friday 4th

The Gallery Sessions
in a cafe or a gallery, not sure
@ Queen's Theatre, Barnstaple, North Devon
(in association with Apples & Snakes)
Zena Edwards - Headlining

Sunday 13th

Family Friendly Festive Cabaret of Music, Mulled, Mince and Aliterative Poetry, Possibly...and Pies (for the Mince)

(not sure what they will call this event but probably not the above; all tbc, details to follow.)
@ the Vaults & Gardens on the High Street, Oxford

Monday 14th

GEORGE's JAMBORREE of Music, Poetry and Comedy
- An Open Mike (Michaels are actually welcome - the poster was a joke - stop asking!)
@ THE CHESTER ARMS, Chester Street, OX4

Last month was delicious, packed to the rafters and rocking with talent. Open-Mic spots fill up quickly so get in early if you want to strum, tap, bang, whistle, read or recite. Starts at 8:30 sharpish so please sign-up by 8:15 at the latest. Hope you and your friends can make it. People of all abilities are very welcome. FREE ENTRY.

Tuesday 15th

"Georgie's doubling up":
First Stop:
Doing an intermission slot for an event @ Albion Beatnik (a bookshop on Walton Street), Jericho, Oxford. Organised by Lion Lounge Press. Will be there till 8:30/9 ish. Details TBC -so please check http://www.lionloungepress.com/ for info closer to the time.

Next stop:
@ Bar Tarifa, on't Cowley Road, Oxford from 9pm onwards but it starts earlier (seen some brilliant musicians there in the past and the beer is lovely, called Mahou).

Right, better get on and write application letters, hoorah!
Cheerio and thanks again for reading.

Thursday, 12 November 2009

Lemn, them and then me (but in reverse order)

After a poetry gig like that, it begs the question 'Should I have persisted with rugby as a child?' despite the fact that I was scared of tackling, slower than the average girl and couldn't catch a cold. But did get pneumonia when i was ten, possibly twelve? Who gives a shit?

Perhaps if I had gone up on stage and straight away announced that I had fucked every one of the audience members' grandparents that I would have at least received a response. All be it a negative one. But at least it would have been one - just even the slightest of alteration in facial expression would have been a result. Even possibly from the guy in the front row who couldn't have resembled Little Britain's Andy Pipkin any better if he'd tried and had left his wheelchair at the top of the stairs before bounding down them to take his seat right in front of me whilst Lou had his back turned. Every time I looked at his ever glazing over, non-responsive expression I felt like I might aswell have been reading my poems backwards, with a potato in my mouth and from inside a shut, melting whellie bin, in hell.

Perhaps returning to the sausage and mash restaurant where, up until having major bowel surgery in July, I'd previosly spent eight miserably arduous months working as a waiter/toilet cleaner, had meant that my usual feeling of joy, passion and lust for life that I usually get when I walk on stage had upped and fucked off into a pit of the mundane everyday,- that of microwaved mash, Bisto and the minumum wage perhaps...

Ok, so the feeling of self-harming in a luke warm bath whilst masturbating into a handful of broken glass (with the other hand) might sound to me fractionally more appealing and far less painful than both last night's gig and tonight's, certainly, but without these the good one's would no longer be good, presumably. Michael Jackson played to packed stadiums and arenas of screaming, crying, adoring fans for most of his life and, well, need I say more?

Note to self: A set list is always needed; write it before getting to the gig and don't lose it seconds before walking on stage. (2) Do not ever drink til 3 in the morning the night before a gig. (3) When it appears that you're going down like a lead balloon before an audience, enjoy it, cherish it, keep pumping it out and revel in their misery. Life is far too long to get upset about what absolutely everyone thinks of your work. (4) don't have any expectations of anything. Ever. Or to sell any of your £1 books again. You might sell 23 at one gig and get your first publishing offering and then none at the next. Ooh, life's such a rollercoaster! And (5)

"Stop sulking and blaming the audience and go to bed".
"Not yet Mother"
..because first I must just state how much I loved Lemn Sissay's performance. Genuine, funny, energetic, inviting, passionate, and really engaging. A must see if you ever get chance. I just wished I'd done him justice and actually done my job as a support act and warmed the audience up for him rather than increasing their level of verging autistic hostility towards the stage. Thankfully, due to his many years of experience and natural charm and charisma he swung it round and they adored him. I'm certainly pleased I got to see him at the very least.

Goodnight Doctor. x

ps. Xander, thanks very much again for the help with CV editing/printing mallarkey. On reflection, your idea to leave out the list of twenty three swimming certificates that I'd previously included was probably a good idea and even for one's CV would be regarded as blowing one's trumpet a little too loudly. I wouldn't want rejection from potential employers on grounds of being over qualified! If you're up for a cup of tea today then give us a text. Cheerio, G

Wednesday, 21 October 2009

Big Issue Bin Men

I started the day with two weetabix, two rashers of smoked back, four slices of Warburtons thick white sliced, two cups of tea, a cup of coffee and a fag. Diet of Champions. Shouted at the bin-men and then signed "Mary the Virgin" for a parcel for the downstairs flat. The postman looked bemused.

Once shoe laces were tied I headed to the train station to buy a ticket for tomorrow's gig in East London and so meandered past my favourite Big Issue sellar on Cornmarket, the high street bit of Oxford. He is a comic performer and quite often as I walk up Cornmarket, he is hurling mild/moderate abuse at the stupid public. Anyway, on this occasion, three pensioner women in their early seventies were walking past the Big Issue Man and he said "Morning Girls!" to which they replied,
"Ooh, we like girls!"
"Comin' out dancin' with me tonight?" he retorted
"Oh, not sure 'bout that!" they giggled.

"POLE DANCING!" He blirted.

They strode on looking more shocked than amused. But it certainly tickled me.

Anyway, got the train tickets: not too expensive for only one day in advance. However, I always debate the point of buying a ticket for the return journey because there are never guards on the train back from Paddington after 11pm. I'm not gonna risk it this time...or am I? Answers on a postcard (of a fat, lard-white woman sprawled across a tar black beach in Torquay, please.

George's Gigs:


Saturday 24th Oct

London Poetry Systems @ The Isis Tavern, down on the river, Oxford.
Starts 6pm

Wednesday 4th November

A strange authors night
me and other people
@ The Corner Club, 16 Turl Street, Oxford
8pm upstairs.

Wednesday 11th

Cafe Tarifa, Cowley Road, Oxford
short slot

December 4th Friday

Organised by Apples & Snakes @
Queens Theatre,
Barnstaple, North Devon

...run out of sloes. Off to the Rusty Bicycle.
bye, g xx

Wednesday, 29 April 2009

Aliteration, My Bowels And Ben's Big Gig

The other day my Primary School Teaching girl-friend explained what aliteration means. Without realising it, I had used it in my poems on numerous occassions in the past. It gives wonderful flow and rhythm. Towards the end of her explanation I thought up the following line: "The feisty flight of fledglings fleetingly flew through forest Firs', and with raised eyebrows she said "Yes George," and walked off to make more mint tea.

So, things have been alright my end: several good gigs and one horrible one. From performing to an audience of families to that of black clothed Goths waiting in the "moshpit" for the next metal band to come on. I enjoyed the former performance to nearly 200 people and the latter to 18 people just as much. Both were as equally enjoyable and were brilliant experience for crafting my set to suit the very different types and size of audience. But inbetween I compered an event down in London that wasn't so fun. I didn't feel great (physically) before hand but excuses, excuses! After the first 8 minutes I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I totally bombed in the opening ten minutes but then gradually brought it back as the night drew on. It was a strange old night. Just watch the nervous arm movements - trying to find that non-existent pocket, perhaps?


Anyway, the next thing is

on: Friday (1st May - two days time)
at: The Northwall Arts Centre, Summertown, Oxford.
KO: 8pm
(I'm compering and bangin' out some verse inbetween acts. The night is called "Ben's Big Gig").

Curated/organised/sorted out by Xander Cansell, it's an amalgamation of the best of Ben Walker, (singer/songwriter of Christmas No.1 You Tube Hit equivalent, "You're No One If You're Not On Twitter" and "Hugh Fearnley Whittinstall - A Tribute") and his band. Ben and Xander are fellow geeks who've both got microchips actually imbedded in their penises. So with the aid of their technologically advanced willies the 220 seater venue will be wired up to the hilt with booths and stuff and wires and stuff and even more wires so as to enable it to be streamed live to the internet on the night. God knows how they do this stuff but it sounds great! Actually, coming to think of it, I ought to try and find out and actually learn/understand details of this concept before having to explain it to the audience!

Anyway, Ben Walker plays solo but also as part of a trio, avec bass and percussion;- all with Jekyll and Hyde type musically flexible instrument swappingly talented men and hence doing everything from Wallpaper Jazz to Folky Pop. Technically perfect, tunefully thoughtful, observational, touching, satirical and funny' are nine words I'd use to describe Mr Walker's work. Other Acts include The Funky Llamas and the brilliantly funny Tom Greeves.

Ear are some tasters of Ben's bits:






from the North Wall box office (01865 319450)

or from http://www.intelligent-tickets.com/index.php?th=nw&pg=bookseats&date=1&event=Ben%27s+Big+Gig&sel=2

off for some menthe chaud.

Bye. x

Thursday, 26 February 2009

George's March and April Antics

Hello. Nothing much to say today. Off to the Botanic Gardens and possibly the pub for a pint. Or just the pub. Been couped up like a free range chicken in France. Got to get out. Anyway, bye.


Monday 2nd
Oxfringe 2009 Launch Party
7pm Brewery Gate
nr the Train Station

Friday 6th
Going to watch
Piano Master, Jean-Philippe Rio-py at
The Jacqueline Du Pre, Oxford.

Saturday 14th
"14 Hours"
@ The Griffin (upstairs),
93 Leonard Street,
Shoreditch, London
EC2A (nearest tube Old Street or Liverpool Street)

Featuring: John Berkavitch, Nathan Penlington, Me and others..

Wednesday 18th
Off to Bournemouth
School Gig,
Gig in a school, somewhere,
in Bournemouth
You can't come
unless you're a kid
at that school
in Bournemouth

Sunday 22nd
My older sister's birthday
(older than 30)


Wednesday 1st

Hammer & Tongue Slam Poetry Night

@ Baby Simple, Cowley Road, Oxford

Simon Munnery, George Chopping plus some slammers

(don't know why it's slipped into some sort of double spacing mode..?!)

Monday 6th

Hosting: "Poetry and Schooners"
First night of this night.
@ The Chester Arms,
Chester Street,

Saturday 11th

Part of OXFRINGE 2009
(supporting the festival Headliner)
John Hegley: "Beyond Our Kennel"
@ The Jacqueline Du Pre Building,
Part of St Hilda's College,
K.O. 7pm

Tuesday 14th

Hosting: "Utter! Chopping"
Featuring: John Hegley, Clare Pollard, Tim Key and Pete The Temp
@ The Green Note,
(don't ask me how I managed to wangle this superb line-up. You'd just be silly to miss it).
K.O. 7:30pm (you ought to check the time on that one..)

Saturday 18th

Holding a workshop for "Utter!"
in London (details to follow)

Saturday 25th

"Gappy Tooth Industries"
@ The Wheatsheaf,
High Street,

Precise and confirmed details for all these gigs will be on my Facebook profile in the days leading up to each event.

Bye for now,

Wednesday, 14 January 2009

George's Journey


Monday 2nd

"Jam On That?"
Open-Mic at the Jam Factory (Arts Centre)
near the train Station in Oxford

(trying out a small bit of new stuff )

Wednesday 4th

"Songs In The Dark"
8pm. Upstairs at The Betsey Trotwood
56 Farringdon Road,
London, EC1R 3BL.

(12 and half minutes of my best stuff)

Friday 6th

"Bingo Masters Breakout"
8pm at St Aloysius Social Club, Phoenix Road
Euston, London, NW1 1TA.

(Guest Poet and Bingo Caller)

...And no other dates set in stone until...


Saturday 11th

Part of OXFRINGE 2009 John Hegley and Spacial Guests
7pm in The Jacqueline De Pre Building (part of St Hilda's College), bottom of High Street and Iffley Road, just off the Plain (roundabout), Oxford.

Tuesday 14th

So I won the "Utter!" Ajar Mic Competition 2008 in Camden. Part of the prize is to host my own "Utter!" night which will be on Tuesday 14th April, 2009 at The Green Note, 106 Parkway, Camden, London, NW1 7AN. 8pm start.
Featuring: John Hegley, Tim Key (and others TBC)

going to eat now.
Bye x

Thursday, 16 October 2008

sausages and love

Just before you say it, I know, I know. It's almost like I'm writing a fresh blog every hour because I'm just so committed to keeping you, my adoring, stalker followers in touch with the every (bowel) movement of Charles Street's next Poet Laur...Ooh, hold on a sec. (Second passing). Arhh, that's it - nothing quite beats the refreshing, lip-smackin', thirst quenchin', great tastin', motivatin', good buzzin', cool talkin', high walkin', fast livin', ever givin', cool fizzin' slirp of a well chilled can of Carling after a sweaty slog of a shift at the sausage restaurant, that started two hours after eight hours at the SUPERmarket. Um, I don't understand why I have Irritable Fucking Bowel Syndrome, Eczema, 27 other dermatological conditions, torn clothes, a shit haircut, sore cock, a self-obsession orientated personality disorder and hypochondriacy. But all it is, is I need to do something, anything because no one apart from my best mates at i-tunes have e-mailed me and even I'm getting a little bored of watching (myself on) You Tube and of course there's absolutely bugger all on tv, so...

...oh, I'm going to bed..

[3 days later]

Morning, um, before I forget, I'm assisting in the promotion of and will be introducing on the night, a guy called Jean-Philippe Riopy. He's not Welsh but French and a pianist who will be playing at The Jacqueline De Pre Building, Oxford on Friday 7th November. He plays Classical pieces but improvised with jazz in his own passionately distraught and unique style. Well worth the £8 or £5 as a student. He is bloody good!

In my last blog you can see the next dates that I'm performing and in addition to them, I will be performing in the 'Ajar Open Mic Final' on Tuesday 9th December at The Green Note, Camden. The event is called "Utter", hosted by Richard Tyrone Jones. The prize is £1,000,000. Or was it £100? I can't remember. Last Tuesday I performed at the aformentioned venue and have never felt so nervous in my life, nearly, but carried it off ok..ish, I think. Got the laughs but noted as I went through the set, how many things I would do differently and that the Senyru entitled 'Window-Licker' is a definite 'no-no' for any future audience.

[about 15 days later...Wednes 21st Nov]

God, I feel diabolical. But I don't know why i'm telling you because you're a carpenter; rather you were a carpenter...that's if you ever.. Well, anyway, I feel like shit. It's a mint tea day and a day of self-doubting, worrying about money, worrying about leaving the security of a secure job although, granted, a job that (like a lot of people have) was making me miserable but needless to say less miserable than being hungry and now I don't even think I have the ability to be a waiter in a fucking sausage and mash restaurant! Perhaps I never was a good waiter? Perhaps people just had that perception in their head because I fooled them into thinking I was good because I can/could always appear confident, loud, mildly amusing and moderatly entertaining. Perhaps my Grandpa did shag John Cleese's mother, nine months before he was born and two months before he met my Grandma..? But the entertaining thing was only actually as a result of the fact that I used to find the whole experience so incredibly stressful. Food that's overcooked, raw, uncooked, unclean, too clean, too soft, too hard, too rare, not rare enough, "where's the mustard?" "Any forks?"

"Um, sorry to trouble you but we ordered our coffees twenty minutes ago..."

"You, table 29?! Coffee? Haven't you gone yet? Fucking coffee! I thought the tops on your creme fucking brulees weren't fucking hard enough! Why didn't you piss off after that dis-heartening state of circumstance; that earth shattering fact. Here's your bill! I haven't got time to make you fucking coffee. Piss off!"

Here is George's Gig-List:

Tuesday 25th November, 2008

LPS (London Poetry Systems)
The Flea Pit
49 Columbia Road,
Shoreditch/Hackney, London

at 8:30pm

Thursday 27th November, 2008

John Hegley, Tony Curtis and George Chopping

The Thunderbolt,
Totterdown, Bristol

at 8:30pm

Wednesday 3rd December

Comedy Night
Johnathon Elston, Ivo Graham, Rachel Boxall, Broderick Chow, George Chopping,
Tom Goodliffe (MC)

Corner Club
16/17 Turl Street,

Doors 7:45pm (8:15)
Members: Free
Non-Members: £5

Tuesday 9th December

The Green Note
Camden, London

All sorts of stuff - comedy/poetry/music possibly
(please google event for time/cost/address)

Ok, off to the market.


G x